Satoris screenshot

Thanksgiving has come and gone here in the U.S., but the celebration isn't quite over. I'm going to stat up a monster for Turkey Day, a yearly tradition of watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes on Thanksgiving (because so many of those movies are turkeys).

Today, we'll be looking at Satoris from The Final Sacrifice. He leads an evil cult, he has fabulous hair and fashion sense, and his lines are modulated several octaves lower than James Earl Jones.

On the other hand, in the movie he's taken out by a pudgy, middle-aged man and a whiny teenager, so his stats are pretty low. He'd make a good early-level villain or lieutenant.

Satoris stat block

Homebrewery stat block:


Medium humanoid, lawful evil

  • Armor Class 14
  • Hit Points 40
  • Speed 30 ft.
    8 (-1) 14 (+2) 8 (-1) 15 (+3) 9 (-1) 8 (-1)

  • Damage Vulnerabilities fire, but see below
  • Senses passive Perception 9
  • Languages Common, Abyssal

    I'm on Fire! Satoris is vulnerable to fire damage but his movement and other abilities are not affected if he's set on fire.


Cultist's Cane. Melee Weapon Attack: +5 to hit, reach 5ft., one target. Hit 5 (1d6+2) bludgeoning damage plus 3 (1d6) psychic damage.

Guttural Rambling. All enemies within 30 feet must make a DC 12 Wisdom save or be frightened until the beginning of Satoris's next turn. Regardless, all allies within 30 feet get +2 on their attack rolls until the beginning of Satoris's next turn.

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